Valentine jokes fit inside a class card, a lunchbox note, a text to your partner or a toast at a singles party. This list has 89 jokes, puns and riddles sorted by audience. The kids sections are classroom-safe. The adult sections are cheeky but still fine for a work group chat. Pick a favorite, write it in a card and sign it with a heart.
Valentine's Day jokes at a glance
| Section | Count | Best for |
|---|---|---|
| Valentine jokes for kids | 12 | Classroom cards |
| Cute valentines day jokes about animals | 8 | Young kids |
| Valentine knock knock jokes | 6 | Kids, family dinner |
| Valentine riddles | 8 | Party games |
| Valentine's Day jokes for adults | 10 | Couples, coworkers |
| Cheeky valentine jokes for adults | 6 | Partners |
| Valentine's Day jokes for singles | 8 | Galentine's, group chats |
| Valentine dad jokes | 8 | Dads, groan lovers |
| Valentine jokes one-liners and puns | 10 | Captions, cards |
| Corny valentine day jokes | 8 | Anyone who likes cheese |
| Cupid jokes | 5 | All ages |
Valentine jokes for kids
- What did the paper clip say to the magnet? "I find you very attractive."
- Why did the pencil give the eraser a card? It wanted to make up.
- What did the glue stick say on Valentine's Day? "I'm stuck on you."
- What do you call a ghost's sweetheart? His ghoul-friend.
- What did the calculator say to the student? "You can count on me."
- Why was the math book sad on Valentine's Day? It had too many problems.
- What did one pickle say to the other? "You mean a great dill to me."
- What did the cookie say to the milk? "You're my favorite dunk-mate."
- Why did the crayon get a valentine? It was the brightest in the box.
- What did the ruler say to the notebook? "You're the one I measure up to."
- What did the strawberry say to the other strawberry? "We make a great pear. Wait, wrong fruit."
- What did the bread say on Valentine's Day? "I loaf you."
Cute valentines day jokes about animals
- What did the bee say to the flower? "Hey, bud, will you bee mine?"
- What did the cat say to her crush? "You're purr-fect for me."
- What did the duck say to his valentine? "You're one in a quack-illion."
- What did the owl say to his valentine? "Owl always love you."
- What did the octopus say to his date? "Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand?"
- What did the puppy write in his card? "I woof you."
- What did the frog say to his valentine? "You make me hoppy."
- What did the cow say on Valentine's Day? "I'm in the moooood for love."
Valentine knock knock jokes
- Knock knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like to be my valentine?
- Knock knock. Who's there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce share this chocolate.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Candy. Candy who? Candy be your valentine this year?
- Knock knock. Who's there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any more cookies for my valentine?
- Knock knock. Who's there? Peas. Peas who? Peas be my valentine.
Valentine riddles
- I have a heart but no other organs. What am I? A deck of cards.
- What can you give someone and still keep? Your word that you love them.
- What goes up when you see your crush but never comes down? Your heart rate. Eventually it does.
- I'm red, I'm sent on February 14 and I'm made of paper. What am I? A valentine.
- What gets bigger the more you share it? Love.
- What has a bow but no ribbon? Cupid.
- What has lots of hearts but never falls in love? A pack of candy hearts.
- What month do people say the most "I love you"s? Whichever month has your best friend's birthday. Also February.
Valentine's Day jokes for adults
- Our romantic tradition is texting "What do you want for dinner?" for 45 minutes.
- My partner asked for something sparkly. I cleaned the bathroom mirror.
- Romance is sharing your fries without being asked.
- Nothing says love like letting them have the last bite of dessert. Nothing says marriage like splitting it with a knife.
- I asked my partner what they wanted for Valentine's Day. They said, "Nothing." Now I'm in trouble for getting nothing.
- Love is sharing a Netflix password. Commitment is sharing a profile.
- Our love language is forwarding each other memes at 2 a.m.
- We've been together so long we share one phone charger and zero arguments about it.
- Valentine's Day dinner reservations are booked solid. Our couch still has two seats.
- My idea of a romantic evening is both of us asleep by 9:30.
Cheeky valentine jokes for adults
Flirty but not explicit. Save these for your partner, not the office card.
- Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got "fine" written all over you.
- I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I'm too busy reacting to you.
- Is your name Wi-Fi? Because I'm feeling a strong connection.
- Do you like raisins? How about a date?
- Are you a campfire? Because you're hot and I want s'more.
- If you were a vegetable, you'd be a cute-cumber.
Valentine's Day jokes for singles
- Valentine's Day is just a Monday with more chocolate. And I bought my own.
- My relationship status? Hoping Cupid has bad aim and hits a pizza.
- Single on Valentine's Day means 100% of the dessert is mine.
- I'm not single. I'm in a long-term relationship with my couch.
- February 15 is the best day of the year. Half-price candy.
- Cupid called. He said he's still looking for my address.
- I'm saving my heart for someone special. Right now that's my dog.
- Table for one, please. And a dessert menu for two.
Valentine dad jokes
- I tried to write a love song for your mom, but it was too sappy. Must be the maple tree in the yard.
- Why do skunks love Valentine's Day? They're very scent-imental.
- Why did the banana go out with the prune? It couldn't find a date.
- I bought your mom a heart-shaped pizza. She said it was cheesy. I said, "That's the point."
- What do you call a very small valentine? A valen-tiny.
- Why did the phone wear glasses on Valentine's Day? It lost its contacts.
- I asked the barber for a Valentine's haircut. He gave me a heart part.
- Why don't lightbulbs date? They get turned off too easily.
Valentine jokes one-liners and puns
- You're one in a melon.
- I donut know what I'd do without you.
- We go together like peas and carrots.
- You're the cheese to my macaroni.
- I'm nuts about you.
- You've stolen a pizza my heart.
- Our love is un-brie-lievable.
- You're my butter half.
- I love you a latte.
- Let's taco 'bout how much I like you.
Corny valentine day jokes
- What did one corn say to the other? "You're a-maize-ing."
- What did the light bulb say to its valentine? "I love you watts and watts."
- What did the stamp say to the envelope? "Let's stick together."
- What did the tree say to its sweetheart? "I'm falling for you, leaf by leaf."
- Why did the cucumber blush? It saw the salad dressing.
- What did the cup of tea say to its love? "You're my cup of tea, obviously."
- What did the chocolate say to the strawberry? "I'm dipping into this relationship."
- What did the toast say to the butter? "You melt my heart."
Cupid jokes
- Why is Cupid a good archer? He always aims for the heart.
- Why did Cupid get kicked out of archery class? He kept shooting at the instructor's heart.
- What is Cupid's favorite snack? Arrow-root cookies.
- Why doesn't Cupid wear pants? He prefers to travel light.
- What did Cupid say after missing his target? "Well, that was a bit off."
How to use valentine jokes
- Write a kids joke on the back of each classroom valentine. Put the punchline on the inside flap.
- Add a one-liner to a gift tag or a photo caption.
- Start a dinner date with a knock knock joke. It breaks the ice fast.
- Send a dad joke to the family group chat on the morning of February 14.
Puns look even better stitched on a sweatshirt or a pillow. Browse our couple humor gifts and personalized embroidered gifts. For party games, try our valentines day trivia questions. For sweeter words, read our valentines day messages for wife.
Frequently asked questions
What is a good valentine joke for kids?
"What did the glue stick say on Valentine's Day? I'm stuck on you." It is short and fits a classroom card.
What are funny valentine's day jokes for adults?
Jokes about long-term love work well. Try "My idea of a romantic evening is both of us asleep by 9:30."
What is a good valentine one-liner?
"You're one in a melon" or "I love you a latte."
What are valentine's day jokes for singles?
"February 15 is the best day of the year. Half-price candy."
What is a valentine knock knock joke?
"Knock knock. Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you."
What is a good valentine riddle?
"I have a heart but no other organs. What am I?" The answer is a deck of cards.
