There's a category of relationship that doesn't get a gift guide: not quite friends, not quite enemies, but close enough that a little pettiness is part of the dynamic. The coworker who takes credit for your work. The "friend" who's a little too smug lately. The person you'd never actually cut off, but wouldn't mind humbling slightly.
Sincere gifts don't work here. A card that says "you're amazing" reads as either sarcastic or wrong. What works is something that says the quiet part out loud — funny enough to be a joke, pointed enough that they know exactly why you picked it.
Everything below is embroidered rather than printed, which matters for a gift meant to get worn repeatedly for the joke to land more than once. Stitched thread holds up; a printed graphic cracks and fades within a season, which is a bad look for something this specific.
For the coworker who needs to be told, gently
I'm A Red Flag But The Material Is Quality Embroidered Sweatshirt — $25.99. Self-aware, a little smug, technically a compliment to the sweatshirt and not the person wearing it. Works as a gift and as something you'd buy yourself after a very specific week.
For the person who's a little too pleased with themselves lately
Someone's Mean Ass Wife Embroidered Hat — $27.99. Works for a spouse, a coworker who's earned the title, or anyone who'd wear "mean" as a badge rather than an insult. The joke lands harder coming from someone who clearly likes them.
For the friend who's broke and won't stop reminding everyone
Your Two Cents Is Probably Why They're Getting Rid Of Pennies Embroidered Floral Hat — $29.99. Floral brim, sharp line, currently one of our best-performing designs. For the person whose opinions come free and unsolicited.
You Can Keep Your Two Cents, You Look Broke Embroidered Hat — same energy, more direct. Pick whichever one better matches how subtle you're trying to be.
For the one who takes after their dad in all the wrong ways
I Am Simply My Father's Female Son Embroidered Hat — $27.99. A specific kind of family joke that lands immediately with anyone who's ever been told they're "just like their dad" as a warning, not a compliment.
For your actual work nemesis
Gluten Is A Hoe Embroidered Floral Hat — $29.99. Not aimed at anyone specifically, which is exactly the point — hand it to the coworker who's dramatic about everything, gluten included, and let them decide how personally to take it.
For more in this specific vein, see our full Funny Gluten Free & Celiac Gift Ideas guide.
For the friend you'd never actually replace, despite everything
Dark Humor Is Like A Dad Embroidered Sweatshirt — $25.99. Bleak, funny, weirdly affectionate once you know the person well enough to give it as a gift rather than take it as an insult.
More options for this exact kind of friendship in Funny Gifts for Best Friends.
Why petty gifts work better than nice ones, sometimes
A sincere gift for a complicated relationship often reads as more awkward than a funny one. Earnest is vulnerable; a joke has an exit. If it lands wrong, it was "just a joke." If it lands right, it says more than a card ever could — that you know them well enough to be a little mean about it.
The best petty gifts do two things: reference something real about the person, and give them a way to laugh at themselves rather than feel attacked. Every design above is written from that angle. None of it is aimed at strangers.
Why embroidered instead of printed
A joke that only works once isn't worth stitching. These are designs meant to be worn regularly — reworn until the reference becomes a running bit — which means the piece itself needs to hold up.
Printed graphics sit on top of the fabric as a layer of ink or vinyl. Every wash cycle works at that bond, and somewhere around twenty to thirty washes, the cracking starts. Embroidery is stitched into the material, so there's nothing sitting on top to peel away. Full comparison in Embroidery vs Screen Printing.
Ordering and delivery
Everything is stitched to order in our studio — nothing sits pre-made in a warehouse. Total delivery is 3–7 business days: 1–3 business days to stitch and pack, plus 2–4 business days in transit. Ships from the USA with tracking.
Buy two hats and save 5%. Free shipping on orders of 3 or more items.
Care — Spot clean caps with cool water, air dry, reshape the crown while damp. Never machine wash or dry a cap. Full instructions in How to Wash Embroidered Clothing.
Returns — 30 days on unworn items. If something arrives damaged, send a photo and we'll replace it. Full policy in our FAQ.
Browse the full range in embroidered hats and caps and dark humor designs.